


Hoping for a Miracle

by rainbowtaurus



Series: Bedsharing [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Flashbacks, Happy Ending, Hux holds the baby, Hux is not the big bad, Kylo is thirsty, Light Angst, Love, Office Sex, Out of Character, Quickies, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rey is thirsty, Reylo Baby, Romantic Fluff, Secret Relationship, Sensitive Kylo Ren, Shameless Smut, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, everyone has big feelings, light humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 07:21:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21050510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowtaurus/pseuds/rainbowtaurus
Summary: "How could it be that he hadn't recognized Rey’s love for what it was since the beginning? Pure. Unselfish. Free.Kylo feels her body press in, soft and warm. This is the love they had waited for, the love they had fought for.A love like this needs to be cherished for life.Kylo no longer considers his softness or compassion his greatest weaknesses. They are his most profound strengths."Kylo is nervous about proposing to Rey.He reminisces about their past.Smut alert.Mind the tags.





	Hoping for a Miracle

**Author's Note:**

> Part 4 in the Bedsharing series. A series that is cavity inducing sweet.  
Thank you to Antheia21 for being my beta.
> 
> Bound to a Monster readers: This is a sister story to Bound. This scene was in the original version of that fic before I decided to make it dark. These two stories share a line :) maybe you'll spot it. I kept it b/c I'm sentimental as fack. 
> 
> Important: the flashbacks are between the line breaks. I considered italicizing but it’s harsh on my eyes. Hope it makes sense.
> 
> Smutty snippets ahead. 
> 
> ****

_ “Rey, will you marry me?” _

_ “I love you, Rey. Will you marry me?” _

_ “Rey, I love you. Will you marry me?” _

The words race through his mind on repeat.

Kylo touches a hand to his pocket, feeling the box that holds the ring for Rey. There is a heaviness to it that has nothing to do with weight.

He spent hours trying to come up with the perfect words for Rey. Romantic words. Sentimental words. None of them sound right. None of them come close to communicating how important she is to him.

Kylo hopes he can at least string a simple sentence together when he asks for her hand in marriage. He better, because he is asking her tomorrow evening.

The turbolift opens and Kylo is greeted by Hux. 

“Sir, General Organa’s shuttlecraft is currently en route. She will be here in precisely fourteen minutes. She...” Hux stops as a loud squawking noise comes from the tiny bundle on Kylo’s chest. Kylo carefully unwraps the carrier to find his daughter very much awake and alert. 

He likes this phase of her infanthood: she is still small and new, but she is waking up to the world.

His daughter’s curious eyes dart at the flashing lights that dot the flagship’s corridor. 

She suddenly fixates on Hux, and Kylo thinks it must be the bright red hair. 

“Can you hold her?” Kylo asks, “I need to adjust this.” He motions at the fabric loosening around his waist and shoulders. 

“Ah,” Hux says uncomfortably, a hint of apprehension in his voice, “of course, sir.”

“Here,” Kylo transfers her to Hux and shows the General how to support her neck and head.

Hux holds the baby awkwardly, at a distance. She kicks her feet wildly into the air, happily babbling.

“She won’t break, Hux.” Kylo says, concentrating on gathering the wrap, “Don’t be afraid to bring her to your chest.”

Hux makes a clucking noise.

"Afraid? I am not afraid of a _ baby_," he says, though he looks slightly terrified. 

"Like this," Kylo pauses to show Hux how to hold her. 

“Yes, yes, I've got it now,” Hux cradles her and the perpetual tension he carries in his body disappears. He is rewarded with a gummy smile. 

“She’s very much your likeness, sir.”

“She is,” Kylo agrees, “Except you don’t have to take orders from her.”

“Yet,” Hux corrects, “I don’t have to take orders from her _ yet_.” 

Kylo finally has the wrap where he wants it - Rey would be proud - and he glances up to see a new emotion present on Hux’s face. Tenderness.

“It is good she spends time with you, sir. With her father.”

Kylo knows that like him, Hux had a complicated relationship with his father. 

Complicated is putting it lightly.

Kylo is trying hard to break the cycle. He wants his daughter to witness her parents happy and in love. He wants to have a healthy relationship with her. He wants to take care of his family.

Everyday he realizes he has _ no idea _what the hell he is doing, grappling like a blind man as he navigates fatherhood.

Kylo has a newfound respect for his parents, however flawed he perceives his childhood to have been. 

“Rey might not be happy I held her sir,” Hux says absently. He cracks something that passes for a smile as he looks at the baby. 

“She’ll be okay,” Kylo says, amused by Armitage’s growing fascination with his daughter. 

Hux clears his throat.

“Well. I’ll return her to you then. I wouldn’t argue against holding her again, sir.”

“I think she likes you too, Armitage,” Kylo says, successfully wrapping his daughter in the carrier. She snuggles in close.

”You might have your own one day, Hux.”

”Ah...perhaps.”

The General turns scarlet. He stares at Kylo like he is looking at a stranger. He’s trying to calculate how Kylo Ren went from a volatile tyrant to a doting father.

With a curt nod he dismisses himself. 

It hits Kylo again, how much has changed.

***********

He never wanted the title of Supreme Leader. The First Order was nothing more than an unwanted inheritance.

So he used it.

He used it as a tool to try and locate Rey and to learn all he could about the Force.

When Rey said she needed someone to help her find her place in all of this, that she felt alone, Kylo knew he found a kindred spirit.

He thought they could help each other find their place in the universe. He thought their place was with each other. 

She became the only thing that really mattered to him. The only_ person _who mattered. 

He knew in the beginning it was one-sided. He knew Snoke sensed his longing for her and took advantage of the situation. He took credit for connecting them. 

In the end it didn’t make a difference: their link was forged, the was bond permanent.

But how could he continue to know her, love her, or ever hope to have her with the Resistance and First Order indefinitely at odds? 

How long until he became the monster she once accused him of being?

His growing obsession with Rey impeded his ability to command the First Order.

Normal thoughts would barely form in his mind before they were replaced with melancholy longing and fantasies of what could be if he were brave enough to change.

Kylo daydreamed about every feature of her face, he recalled every impressive combat move she had performed. All of her quirky mannerisms were logged into his brain.

His first wake up call happens when he chases her down with his TIE fighter. She was trying to draw him away from her friends. The darkness inside of Kylo rose to the surface, he was ready to capture her at any cost.

Terror and shame froze him after she escaped. 

This was not how he wanted the next chapter of their story to begin. He did not want it to begin with violence and brute force. 

For the next two years Kylo sends her apologies through the Force.

He gets nowhere, and so he makes a choice. 

Kylo is the first one to initiate contact with the Resistance requesting a ceasefire. Under the guise of tanking assets and diminished resources, Kylo swallows his pride. He tells General Organa they might accomplish more as neutral allies.

It is an obvious lie. The First Order can forcibly seize as many resources as they wish. They have the ability to steal children and brainwash them into stormtroopers to replace bad morale.

It’s just that Kylo does not care anymore.

At the heart of this change is his motivation to connect with Rey. Words will not sway her, but actions might.

When Kylo hears that Rey agrees to negotiation meetings with him he spends the entire day distracted and aloof. 

He can’t screw this up. 

Kylo takes care with his appearance before he meets with her. He zips up leather boots that give him extra height - a ridiculous effort considering how enormous he is. His muscles strain the fabric of his black tunic and he tries to tame his black hair. It is longer and more unruly than usual.

It isn’t just about wanting to impress her. Kylo does not want to appear weak, he does not want her to know how crushing her absence has been. Not yet. 

Rey walks through the doors looking like she just came from a training session. Sweat covers her skin and soaks through her tunic. Tendrils of hair stick to her flushed cheeks and she plants her feet firmly on the ground. Her gaze is undeterred and serious when she looks at him.

The light within her is stronger than ever. An undeniable goodness that radiates around her and through the Force.

She is far more beautiful than he remembered.

The first series of negotiations between Kylo and Rey are formal, dull, and mediated. 

When the Resistance is confident that he will not kill her, the security guards are moved outside the door.

As are his Knights.

It is awkward, at first. Kylo has waited for years to be alone with her and now the moment is here. 

For the second time he swallows his pride and apologizes for the pain and grief he has put her through.

Kylo is willing to spend the rest of his life begging her forgiveness if it means she won’t shut him out, but it is Rey who stuns him with her response. 

She whispers that she missed him.

Kylo knows she is not supposed to be responsible for saving him, but she already did. With her kindness, her compassion. When she reached through the Force to touch his hand she awakened something inside him - a piece of him he thought was long lost. 

She became his catalyst for change.

And even through her disappointment she held out hope for him. 

Her tears flow as she says this simple sentence, as she looks at him. 

Kylo wants to hold her. Her suffering is excruciating to him and he can scarcely believe _ his _ absence created such a lonely void in her life. 

“I heard your apologies,” she says, “through our bond. Everyday I heard them.” Her voice breaks, “I wanted to answer you, to meet with you, but I couldn’t,” she says quietly, “I guess I felt I had to wait until…”

There is nothing to stop Kylo as he cuts her off and goes to her. He takes Rey into his arms, holding her, kissing her tear stained cheeks.

“I understand,” he says. 

They stare at each other, neither knowing what to do, but both of them knowing what they want. Rey leans up, closer to him, and kisses his cheek so softly Kylo thinks he might have imagined it.

He swallows hard, finally managing one word.

“You...” 

There is no further reply - it is as if the invisible barrier between finally dissipates.

And right here, under the sweet pressure of her lips is where he crosses the line to a place he can never go back to. 

That neither of them can go back to. 

Kylo braces himself against the wall with one arm, her face suddenly very close to his. He watches her eyes and she watches his, and he knows an array of emotions dance within his expression. 

He kisses her once, then again, each time becoming braver and more insistent. The Force roars to life in response to their kiss, both of them taken aback by the intensity of it. 

Kylo instinctively circles one arm around her waist and kisses her with desperate hunger and raw _ need. _Rey leans into him to keep herself steady. She digs her nails into his shoulders and gasps against his lips. 

Both of them are curious about the heat that exists between them. They want to chase down that elusive liquid lightning that stretches across the galaxy and binds them. 

For the first time, they make love.

It is far from perfect, it is not smooth. They are both a bundle of nerves and Kylo is equal parts afraid and excited to touch her. 

“Why do you wear so many layers?" He mutters, fumbling with her clothing.

“I could ask you the same question,” Rey says, “But trust me,” she tugs at his pants, “everything is coming off.”

The absolute certainty in her voice sends a jolt through Kylo’s body. He did not anticipate her taking the lead, but he does not object to it. He is grateful for her grace with his nerves, for her light humor.

And finally, they connect.

The Force is balanced. 

*

One of the times they meet, he is late. 

Night has fallen at the Resistance base, but Kylo insists on meeting with Rey. 

He wants to prove to his mother that the First Order is committed to this newfound truce.

Mostly, he aches to see Rey in person, even if for a fleeting moment. 

Kylo draws the curtains. The city outside sprawls below them, lights glittering in the dark. Rows of towering skyscrapers stretch into the sky, their windows alight from within. A half-moon hovers at the fringes of the luminous cityscape.

Fifteen minutes are all that remain of their negotiation meeting and Rey tells him to hurry up. She stands over the desk, supported by her elbows. Her pants are around her ankles and something deep in Kylo’s chest rumbles.

She’s wet.

Rey looks over her shoulder for his reaction and her cheeks turn pink. 

Kylo quickly drops his belt, bare from his groin to his knees. He nudges her legs apart and lifts her bottom up into the air. 

She pleads with him again to hurry, to just keep the mask on, and he does. 

His gloved hand moves to grip her waist, the other bracing on her shoulder he bends her over the desk and pushes inside her.

There are no sounds save for Kylo’s harsh panting and Rey’s stifled moans as he fucks her.

Kylo’s masked head lifts to look into the mirror at the end of the desk. He makes eye contact with Rey through the reflection, but he knows she cannot truly meet his gaze.

She only releases silent compressed hitches of breath as he pumps into her and she writhes beneath him.

Kylo already knows that he doesn’t want her like this again. It’s too dominating, too impersonal. 

But she comes, calling out his name. Even while he wears the mask.

He spills into her hard.

Before they leave he takes off the mask, grabs Rey by the arm, and kisses her.

*

Two months pass before he sees her again.

Rey’s responsibilities take her to a different base. His duties demand that he meet with corrupt figures the First Order has done business with in the past. 

Kylo thinks about his love for Rey.

It is a forbidden love.

He’s not supposed to feel this way, but he does. His guilt over his past behavior still eats away at him. Kylo fears that she will begin to regret their negotiation sessions. Maybe the novelty will wear off and she will remember what he truly is. 

He panics when he finds her in the conference room sitting on a bench, her expression sad. 

"Rey," he works up the nerve to share how he feels, "I've missed you."

They usually keep the talking to a minimum, but not today. 

"You look troubled. Tell me what’s wrong?" He scoots closer to her, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

She shrugs and looks at the floor. 

Kylo’s heart pounds quickly. 

Neither says anything for a long moment. He can tell that she has been crying.

"Rey...do you regret it that much?"

She doesn’t respond.

Kylo feels his face warm as his hands ball into fists. As he speaks his voice catches, his words laced with confusion and hurt. He tries to swallow the emotions down.

“Rey, you could have said no - I would have - I would have stopped.”

Kylo is almost crying now, too. He wouldn't harm her. Never. 

“I know I have no right…” Kylo says as tears begin to bead down his face, “I have no right to you after everything I’ve done. You deserve better.”

Rey turns to him. 

"Kylo. Look at me," she tells him gently. Her face is as wet as his. 

“I don’t regret anything. I’m just...scared.”

“Scared?”

“Yes. I like this. Being with you. I think about where this can realistically lead and...” Rey pauses.

It can only lead to a dead end, he thinks.

“But Kylo,” Rey whispers, “I don’t care. I don’t want to worry about it. And I don’t want_ better _. I want you, exactly as you are.” She swallows and looks into his eyes as she says it. 

“How about we just...don't think for a few minutes?"

Kylo coughs at her request.

Rey is bold - she always has been. She has a way of taking control with him that makes her utterly intoxicating.

"I...how do you want to...?" His face is so close to hers that their noses touch ever so slightly. His eyes lock onto hers, burning fiercely. 

Kylo has to ask. He _ wants _to ask. 

There are times when she wants no eye contact, and then there are moments when she allows him to kiss her.

He only wants to show her the respect she deserves.

Rey blushes.

“I want you to show me how much you missed me.”

Something in him snaps. 

Her request undoes any and all vestiges left of Kylo’s restraint.

He holds her tighter than usual, kisses her harder than usual, and makes it last as long as he can.

Rey’s back hits the wall with a thud as he strips off her pants. She winds her legs around his waist, all while they kiss, tasting the sweat and tears on each others cheeks. Her hands take care of his belt and pants while his lips find her neck and devour her, the breathless moans from Rey urging him to keep up the pace. 

“I would never hurt you Rey," Kylo says, pinning her to the wall with his body as his hands move down to her hips. "I care for you, I want to protect you,” with a swift rip he tears her shorts off. 

"I trust you. You don’t have to keep..._oh,”_ her words die on her lips and become a gasp as he fills her with one hard thrust of his hips. He watches as her pink lips part and open in a long silent moan.

Kylo does not give her any time to adjust to him or catch her breath before he starts to move inside her. 

It is all Kylo can do to listen to her moan and gasp in between kisses without completely losing his mind.

One of his hands moves under her tunic to cup and knead her breast, the other holding her still as possible as he slams into her without reprieve and without thought. Everything is instinctual, all a mindless, flesh-driven response to something much deeper that can’t be put into words.

Rey clings to him, one hand in his hair and the other on his back under his tunic, her nails digging mercilessly into his skin. 

Kylo likes it.

Rey’s whimpers and broken moans in his ear are desperate pleas. Ones that he answers by moving her higher up the wall, moving his hand down between them where the first flick of his fingers makes her arch and moan into his mouth. She shakes and shudders, her climax pushing him into his own oblivion.

He is panting, and with a soft kiss to her lips, he guides them down to the floor. A glaze of sweat cools on their feverish bodies.

Neither quite has the strength to stand.

Rey looks up at him, smiling. Kylo touches his forehead to hers.

“As you can see, I might have missed you a...little.” He nuzzles into her neck, through her disheveled hair, kissing her with soft quick pecks. It tickles and Rey kisses him mid-laugh. Kylo smiles at hearing her laugh - a rare expression for him but one that comes more often lately.

When the playfulness calms, she curls against his chest. Kylo can feel her heartbeat through her back, the warmth emanating off her both comforting and surreal.

And that is what is so nice, he muses, about this. This partnership, this friendship, this relationship. A rare moment when they have time to hold each other and just _ be_.

Kylo bites back the urge to confess how he feels. 

It's too heavy, he thinks. Too important. He can't say it yet - it makes him too vulnerable. Too exposed. She might not say it back. 

Surely she senses through their link how beyond gone he is. 

How in love with her he is.

A harsh knock at the door causes them to scramble to their feet. Annoyed, Kylo slips his tunic over his head and wonders why he lets the Resistance establish the boundaries between them.

He catches a flash of torn fabric on the floor. Her underwear - the shorts he tore from her body. 

He shoves them into his pocket. He doesn’t want Rey catching any grief for being with him. 

Resentment taints the afterglow of their lovemaking. 

"It shouldn't have to be like this," Kylo says out loud.

“I agree. It shouldn't be like this," Rey replies quietly, “but it is.” 

The door closes with a soft click. She is gone and he is alone again.

The only way he can be with Rey is by taking action, not by merely _ wishing. _

All the same, Kylo holds out hope for a miracle. A miracle that will bring them together for good. 

****************

A familiar presence breaks Kylo out of his sentimental reveries. Before he can check that the box in his pocket isn’t visible, two slender arms wrap around his waist. 

“My loves,” Rey gives him a light squeeze, mindful of the baby. Kylo twists his neck around to see her beaming. 

In her embrace the world stops. 

Kylo’s anxious mind is instantly at peace. How could it be that he hadn't recognized Rey’s love for what it was since the beginning? 

Pure. Unselfish. Free. Kylo feels her body press in, soft and warm. This is the love they had waited for, the love they had fought for.

A love like this needs to be cherished for life.

Kylo no longer considers his softness or compassion his greatest weaknesses. They are his most profound strengths. 

“Did you have a good time with Finn?” He asks. Kylo senses Rey’s contentedness, her delight at realizing that taking time for herself does not make her a selfish mother.

“I did,” Rey says as she strokes their daughter’s head, “and she seems quite cozy. Do I get to find out what you two were doing?”

“Preparing for my mother’s visit,” Kylo says automatically. 

“I’m looking forward to that. She told me earlier that she’s bringing things for the baby.”

Kylo tries not to groan too loudly. They are absolutely overflowing with toys and clothing from his mother. As far as he's concerned their daughter is set for the next ten years when it comes to toys.

Rey reads his expression.

“She’s just excited to be a grandmother, Kylo. Indulge her.”

“Alright. Should we get ready to greet her?”

Rey’s infectious smile returns, “Yes. She’s in for a surprise - she won’t believe how big the baby has grown since she last saw her.”

Kylo thinks it is Rey who is in for the biggest surprise.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Comments/kudos are always humbling and motivating. 

The next installment will be the proposal. 

(finally!)


End file.
